What do we do when we have an argumentative 19-year-old daughter? I’ve been told repeatedly, “you’ll want to freeze dry her until she’s 25. That’s when you can really be her friend and have a great relationship with her.” Well, friends, my daughter is now a mother herself, and she is still unappreciative, selfish, hateful and cruel when I am not giving her her hearts desires.
Let me start by saying, I have never spoiled her. I have not been one of those mothers who give into her children when they are acting out. So how do I fix this?
Last week she and her fiance split up, and she came home. Since I have been watching the baby and letting her use my vehicle to get things done that she needs to do. I’ve been more than helpful for her, much more than I ever got when I became a mother.
See, she has a mental illness that makes her go into manic episodes. Which is why she and fiance spilt up. But I can tell when it’s her just being a greedy teenager or her manic mood.
So yesterday we went to the lake to have fun. She, however, made me completely miserable. Mind you, I have a torn ACL and MCL in my left knee. I have a hard time walking on uneven ground, let alone in flip-flops.
Well, we were walking over to the cliffs so the kids could go cliff jumping. I was trying to get down to the water, so I could sit and enjoy watching them jumping and listen to their laughter! My daughter, asked me to take the baby ( she’s 17 months), I told her to let me get to the water and I would hold her but she had to bring her to me.
My daughter then decides to be a complete a**hole. She starts yelling how I never help her, I don’t do anything for her, how is she supposed to enjoy herself and cliff jump. She seriously just wouldn’t stop and listen to what I was saying.
Finally, she walks over to where I was, I take the baby and instead of going to jump off the cliffs, she just keeps going and going. Eventually, I just walk away. I can’t handle the abusive emotional roller coaster she puts me through.
The next hour I go sit, alone, on the other side. Not able to watch my 12-year-old son and his friends having fun. Sitting there upset, just wanting to go home.
Later in the evening, I tell my daughter, “you make me feel really unappreciated. When you stew on me not doing what you want, instead of the things I do for you. I watch the baby while I am working so you can go to work. I allow you to drive my car (she has wrecked it a couple times) so you can go get enrolled in cosmetology school, and whatever else you do. I am at the point of not wanting to do a single thing for you. Be thankful for the help I do give, because not many have that help.” She started to say something negative, so I just walked away.
My question is, what do I do to stop this? This is not a one-time event. Several times when we go do things, her behavior, words, attitude ruins the day not just for me, but also her brothers.